I am an excellent host.

gutsiestgumshoe:

• bookkind replied to your post: 

  Why not?
  
  Because.
  I can’t.
  

I’m fairly certain I made it more than clear that it was a purely hypothetical situation.

stillershades:

wow way to be a dick ya asshat.  i already dont like you and we just met.  thats a record.  ive p much liked most everyone i met at least a little bit until later on but wow look at you.  a++ for being a first class jackass

I consider your distaste to be the highest of honors then, Mr. Strider.

tyluscapricious:

TC: UhHhH aLrIgHt.

TC: I’lL tRy NoT gEtTiN mOtHeRfUcKiN cOmFoRtAbLe, AlIeN lOoKiN bRo.

TC: GuEsS i BeTtEr MoVe OuT oF mY hOrN pIlE sO i AiN’t CoMfY.

It’s incredibly rude to call someone ‘alien looking bro’.

turntechgodbled:

a little
i find it hard to believe that youre not doing anything even remotely interesting like talking to someone or idek

uhm i think i have although i dont really have any to show 

It is not a lack of doing something interesting.

It’s a lack of doing something interesting in your opinion.

There’s not much reason to pretend what I do regularly would be of any interest to you.

None to show? That’s unfortunate.

stillershades:

wow rude.  thats something trademark to me ok excuse you mr knowitall.  if you knew jack shit youd know about sweet bro and hella jeff and youd know that thats important to me.  you suck at this and you need to step back and look at your life and your choices

and you should go read my comic right now its necessary 

You’re disturbingly passionate about this extremely shoddily drawn internet publication.

I don’t normally go out of my way to make it my business to read such things.

stillershades:

stillershades:

uh. so this started out normal, and cute. then we graffiti’d on it. this is what happens. THIS IS WHY I DON’T USE JOIN.ME, I MAKE PEOPLE DRAW ON THINGS and then this happens. and yet, it’s so beautiful. so, so beautiful.

[ gif version ] and [ non - graffiti’d version hurr durr ]

I’m rarely at a complete loss for words.

Congratulations.

(Source: jeeringbitches)

stillershades:

What’s that pictogram on the left?

That’s unnecessary.

Just blow up the crude depiction of human male genitalia instead.

stillershades:

oh.  my bad lemme fix that for you.  hold up

I will wait with bated breath, rest assured.

stillershades:

cancerousgyves:

IF THAT SERIOUSLY COMES AS A SURPRISE TO YOU, THEN I, FOR ONE, AM AT LEAST A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR MENTAL STATE. I MEAN AS MUCH AS I HATE TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT A ON MOST OCCASIONS, EVERY SINGLE OTHER KARKAT OUT THERE? EVERY SINGLE SHITTY ALTERNATE VERSION OF MYSELF? THEY’RE STILL BASICALLY ME, WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT. NOT BASICALLY, EVEN, I MEAN THEY’RE ALL LITERALLY ME. SOME HAVE THEIR DIFFERENCES, SURE, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA. OR AT LEAST I HOPE YOU DO BECAUSE THE LAST THING I WANT TO BE STUCK HERE DOING RIGHT NOW IS EXPLAINING, IN DETAIL, TO SOME OMNISCIENT DOUCHEFUCK HOW MANY SIMILARITIES I HAVE WITH MYSELF.

ACTUALLY, JUST IGNORE THAT LAST PART SEEING AS I DOUBT THAT HELPED THINGS MUCH. JUST FORGET THAT LAST THING AND LET ME MOVE ON WITH THE REST OF THIS TERRIBLE EXCUSE OF A DECENT CONVERSATION.

AND I STILL FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT YOU’RE ALL THAT FOND OF RELAYING INFORMATION, OR WHATEVER THE HELL. IF YOU SERIOUSLY JUST WANTED TO GIVE PEOPLE CLEVER HINTS AND TIDBITS ABOUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, THEN YOU COULD BE ABOUT A MILLION TIMES MORE STRAIGHTFORWARD WITH IT.

LIKE HI, I’M HERE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, AND HERE IT IS.

(OH, AND HERE’S A TIP: THE WHITE TEXT REALLY DOESN’T HELP WITH THAT. YET ANOTHER REASON WHY IT’S STUPID IN PRACTICALLY EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY!!!)

ANYWAY, OK, NO. WE’RE NOT GOING TO START SITTING HERE DISCUSSING MY SHITTY MUTANT BLOOD OF ALL FUCKING THINGS. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU FOR BRINGING THAT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE. I’M NOT SURE IF YOU’VE REALIZED, BUT I’M NOT REALLY ALL THAT FOND OF TALKING ABOUT THAT SHIT!!!

SECONDLY, AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE THIS SHITTY ALL-KNOWING DOUCHEWAD OR WHATEVER THE HELL? SO REALLY, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE REASON WHY I REFUSE TO TYPE IN BRIGHT CHERRY RED. THEREFORE, I’M NOT GOING TO WASTE OUR TIME WITH THE HUGE, RIDICULOUS BACK STORY ABOUT IT.

SORRY.
(NOT REALLY.) 

Were you not already concerned for my so-called mental state?
You’ve given me more credit than I would have expected.
Lesser beings than I would exploit that credit.

Certainly you’re not suggesting you don’t already compare-and-contrast yourself with every single alternate universe iteration of yourself?
One needs not be omnipotent or even that observant to realize that you already do as much.
It would not be such a stretch to release your mental comparison notes, would it?

Being straightforward lacks the elegance and class which my guests have come to expect of me.

If I were one to bargain, I would offer to change my text to something much more easily readable at first glance if you were to do me the favor of changing your text color to that of your blood.

Unfortunately, I am not.

I hope you enjoy highlighting.